


The Right Moment

by AnnaOnTheMoon



Series: Stargazer Era [27]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, F/M, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22995103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon
Summary: Is it the right moment to tell your best friend you are in love with her after she had a miscarriage and her husband has left her?***Trigger Warning: Miscarriage (multiple)***
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Jack Crusher, Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard
Series: Stargazer Era [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1084455
Kudos: 19





	The Right Moment

**Author's Note:**

> You might remember a story called Finding Wesley where I wrote the introduction for GottaHaveAName. This story takes part and inspiration from the opening paragraphs I wrote.

Beverly stared at her superior. He had to be kidding her, right? Doctor Quaice had insisted on giving her an examination after she had been complaining for a few days over not feeling well, and her husband was scheduled to visit her again over the weekend and she hadn’t wanted an illness to prevent them from having time together if he bothered to show up. They had been married now for ten years, but Beverly struggled to call them happy years. She wordlessly took the tricorder Doctor Quaice presented her with and stared at it. It wasn’t a joke. She was pregnant. Again.

She tried to smile at her mentor, but she wound up sobbing into her hands. _Would this pregnancy stick? Is it worth getting excited or even telling Jack?_ She paused. Of _course_ she would tell her husband. And maybe this time...Dalen wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her to his side. 

“Come on, let’s take you to my quarters. You and Patricia can have a nice, long, conversation. We’ll have to talk about things like restricting your working hours and bedrest at some point, too. We can do a more detailed exam tomorrow.” Beverly managed a smile and eased off the biobed.

“Thanks.” 

When she married Jack Crusher ten years ago, Beverly had become pregnant within the first three months of their marriage. She had been overjoyed, but her joy was short lived when she suffered a miscarriage after sixteen weeks with no medical explanation that she or the doctors she saw could find. Jack had accused her of somehow causing the miscarriage, citing her last year of medical school and the stresses of being a medical student as a reason, but she had eased back on her commitments almost as soon as she discovered the pregnancy. Depression soon followed, and Beverly barely passed her last year of medical school, forcing her to take a residency on a base far out into deep space, away from the major travel routes. Her husband’s response to the loss of the baby had been to sign up for a three-year tour of duty aboard the _Southerland_. He didn’t even know where she had been stationed for her residency.

Her close friend, Walker Keel, felt somehow responsible since he had introduced his friend to Jack and between him and Jean-Luc Picard, Beverly had a steady stream of visitors and when neither of them could visit, plenty of subspace transmissions. Sometimes it was something as simple as a one-line joke to brighten her day, but everything helped. She started to heal. When Jack returned from his three-year tour, Beverly asked if he wanted to try for another baby.

She lost the second baby. This time, she lasted twenty weeks before the cramps set in and the rush to the medical facilities to see if there was a possibility of saving the baby. It would have been a girl, and Beverly had wanted to name her after her own mother. Jack once again signed up for another long-term mission instead of staying by his wife’s side, and Beverly accepted a position on Jean-Luc’s ship, wanting to be close to her friends. 

Walker left after six months, newly promoted and heading back to Earth to spearhead a project for Starfleet Intelligence. Beverly spent the remaining four and a half years of Jack’s deep space mission spending nearly every evening with Jean-Luc, unless one of them was on duty. Sometimes they didn’t do anything other than sit comfortably on his sofa with cups of tea and books, each lost in their own literary world, but appreciating not being alone. Other times they watched a new holofilm – either in Jean-Luc’s quarters or with the rest of the crew in the rec room. Everyone knew Jack, as he had been stationed on the _Stargazer_ before their wedding, and knew Jean-Luc and Beverly were only friends.

When the anniversaries of her miscarriages came around, Walker planned leave and came to visit the _Stargazer_. Walker and Jean-Luc held her while she cried and mourned for the loss of her babies. But Jack failed to even notice the date.

Jack Crusher returned to the _Stargazer_ , but Beverly soon departed for a position on Starbase thirty-two. Jack and Beverly managed to see each other every few months, but that was mostly because Jean-Luc made sure the _Stargazer_ frequently was in range. Some visits Beverly spent more time with Jean-Luc than Jack because Jack would be working on a project back on the ship and not want to leave it. Under Jean-Luc and Walker’s encouragement, Beverly took the Commander’s course and Beverly was sure her husband harboured resentment towards her after she passed her Commander’s exam before he passed his own. But now that she was pregnant, perhaps he would forget about it. 

Beverly greeted Jean-Luc with a hug when he appeared in her doorway. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her around the waist.

“How’s my favourite Commander?” She grinned. 

“Pretty good. Where’s Jack?” Jean-Luc tried not to frown, but Beverly could tell from his stance something was wrong. “Oh. He’s not coming, is he?” Jean-Luc held out his arms.

“I’m sorry. He said he’d be ready to depart the ship, but then he claims he was pulled into a project.” Jean-Luc watched as Beverly’s face crumbled and she began to cry. He pulled her into his arms and walked her over to the sofa. “Shh, it’s alright. You’ve got me!” He grinned at her and she tried to smile through her tears.

“I’m pregnant.” 

Jean-Luc’s face lit up. “Congratulations!” He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’m guessing Jack doesn’t know yet?” She shook her head.

“No. I was going to tell him this weekend.” Jean-Luc nodded and rose from the sofa, the grin still plastered on his face. 

“I’ll go get him. I’ll order him to come see you if I have to.” Beverly wiped at her tears and smiled at her best friend’s enthusiasm. 

“Sure, that will go over well. No, I’ll tell him when he gets here. If he doesn’t.... _you_ can tell him I’m pregnant.” Jean-Luc snorted.

“If I do that, he’ll ask if the baby is mine.” Beverly rested a hand lightly on her abdomen and gave him a wistful smile. 

“I almost wish it was.” 

“No, you don’t. You love your husband and you never would have cheated on him, even if I had asked you to.” He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. “Now. Are you going to let me take you out to dinner to celebrate?” 

“What about Jack?”

“We’ll leave him a message.” 

Beverly told Jack in the morning after she felt sick from the smell of his coffee and he seemed excited. He kissed her passionately and agreed to look for a transfer to the base or Earth – somewhere where they could raise the baby together. He even offered to ask Jean-Luc if there was a position for Beverly on board the _Stargazer_ again. Of course, Beverly knew there would be. Jean-Luc wouldn’t deny her anything. 

She moved back onto the _Stagazer_ , and she thought how strange it was to be sharing quarters with her husband as they barely had spent more than seven days straight together in the ten years of their marriage. She missed her evenings spent with Jean-Luc, but thinking about the baby kept her happy. 

Her rank put her on par with the current Chief Medical Officer, but due to her lightened workload mandated from Doctor Quaice, Beverly was happy to take on the role of assistant CMO. She followed Dalen’s advice and had Doctor Chardin examine her weekly to make sure the baby was progressing and safe.

###

Beverly jolted awake in bed when she felt the warm, sticky sensation between her legs. “No.” She went to shake Jack awake, but discovered she was in bed alone. She felt a sharp pain and moaned. “No!” 

She paged for a medic, knowing she couldn’t make it to sickbay on her own and then tried to page Jack. He didn’t respond to her page, so she paged Jean-Luc instead, who rushed to her quarters and held her hand while the medic transferred her to a gurney and whisked her away to Sickbay.

Four hours later, Beverly was wheeled out of surgery, without her baby. 

Jean-Luc was waiting and immediately moved to her bedside. He kissed her forehead and told her how sorry he was. Beverly started to cry and Jean-Luc balanced himself on her biobed and she sank into his arms, hiccupping and sobbing into his chest. Jack was absent. 

Three days later, she was discharged from sickbay. She returned to her quarters and discovered her husband’s belongings missing and a PADD containing divorce documentations. The only other indication that Jack had left the ship was a second PADD addressed to Jean-Luc. 

Beverly silently gathered the two PADDs and the quilt from her Nana’s house and was soon pressing the buzzer on Jean-Luc’s quarters. When he answered, she didn’t even know which PADD to hand him first. The one addressed to her, or the one addressed to him. Wordlessly, she held out the PADD with the divorce documentation first and moved onto his sofa, tugging the patchwork quilt around her shoulders like a shield. After he skimmed it, Beverly offered him a watery smile.

“Will you be my witness to my signature?” Jean-Luc sighed and squeezed her hand. 

“If this is what you want.” Beverly snorted. 

“Jack’s the one who filed for divorce, not me. But...I mean, has he actually _been_ my husband these past few years? I don’t know.” Beverly passed him the other PADD. “Jack left this one is for you.” 

Jean-Luc skimmed it quickly. “He’s gone.” 

“Yeah, I know. My quarters are practically empty.” Jean-Luc handed her the PADD. 

“No, I mean he’s resigned as my Second Officer and put in for a transfer with Starfleet effective immediately. He must have managed to leave on one of the supply shuttles without my knowledge, though to be honest, I’ve been a little preoccupied with you.” 

“Yeah. Too bad he wasn’t. I mean, when he didn’t show up when I was awake, I just assumed he was visiting me when I happened to be sleeping. None of the nurses would comment, except to tell me if I missed your visit or a call from Walker.” She shrugged. “I guess they were trying to protect me.” Jean-Luc smiled. 

“They’re good people. You and Chardin have a good team.” Beverly’s face suddenly paled and let out a moan. 

“Oh no! I just realised I don’t have a job anymore!” Jean-Luc shot his friend a funny look and walked over to his replicator and ordered cups of tea. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Beverly began, wringing her hands, “The only reason you let me on was because of my reduced load imposed by my pregnancy. Starfleet won’t let you have two Commander ranked doctors! What am I going to do?” Jean-Luc passed her a cup of tea and perched in front of her on the coffee table. 

“I’m not going to fire you. I’m selfish, and I like having you around. We’ll figure something out.” 

“Promise?” Beverly turned her eyes on him and Jean-Luc felt his heart breaking for his best friend. She had lost her third baby and her husband within a few days and it wasn’t fair. He put his cup down and inched closer to her so he could gently kiss her forehead once more.

“Promise.”

Beverly sat back on the sofa and drank her tea, slowly snuggling further into her quilt. She moved her arm and invited Jean-Luc into the cocoon and he responded by wrapping his arm around her and holding her close. Beverly finally let her tears fall for her broken marriage, though if she really thought about it, it had been broken for years. She fell asleep leaning against Jean-Luc, and he carefully carried her towards his bed and tucked her in with her quilt. After he was sure she wasn’t going to stir, he closed his bedroom door and made his way over to his console. 

_“Johnny! It’s a little late for a call, you know.”_ Walker looked at his best friend with bleary eyes. They usually talked during the day or just after dinner, not in the middle of the night. _“Is everything alright? How’s Bev? I know she was going to be released today.”_

Jean-Luc held up the PADD headed with “Divorce Decree” and Walker gasped. 

_“I’m guessing Beverly didn’t initiate this?”_ Jean-Luc shook his head.

“Nope. Good old Jack. You know, he never visited her while she was in Sickbay? I’d yell at him, but the little devil applied for a transfer and is already gone!” Walker saw the anger in Jean-Luc’s eyes and the venom in his voice and was almost glad Jack had left. It’d be no good to Beverly if Jean-Luc wound up in the brig for fighting. 

_“Probably better for Bev. How is she taking it?”_

“She came over with her nana’s quilt and is currently wrapped in it in my bed.” 

_“Oh.”_ Walker knew that quilt well. It was to Beverly what a security blanket was to a small child. She always slept wrapped in it when she was upset. _“What are you going to do?”_

Jean-Luc shrugged. “Be here for her. What else can I do? And figure out a way to keep her on my ship. She’s worried she’ll be forced to leave since she and Chardin have the same rank.”

 _“You could marry her.”_ Jean-Luc narrowed his eyes at his best friend.

 _“Walker!_ Now is _not_ the time.” Walker merely grinned.

 _“Why not? You love her, don’t you?”_ Walker kept his gaze levelled on Jean-Luc, but noticed the bedroom door in the background sliding open. 

Jean-Luc was flustered. “Of _course_ I love her, Walker. I just don’t think declaring my love for her the same day she signed her divorce papers is really the right idea.” 

“Why not?” Beverly’s voice was soft. She was still wrapped in her blanket, but she was leaning in the door frame gazing at Jean-Luc. Jean-Luc flushed and Walker just smirked at him on the screen.

_“Hey Bev!”_

“Hi, Walker.” Jean-Luc shot a glare at his monitor. 

“I think I better go now. Goodbye, Walker.” Jean-Luc clicked off the call before Walker could say anything else and he walked over to Beverly, taking her hands in his. “I guess you know now.” Beverly shot him an impish smile.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He sighed.

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” Beverly let out a soft giggle.

“Yep.” Jean-Luc cleared his throat. He let go of one of her hands to tuck her hair behind her ear and he gently cupped her cheek. 

“Beverly Howard Crusher....I love you.” He leaned in to give her a gentle kiss and she responded by deepening the kiss. She broke off the kiss and he rested his forehead against hers. She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.

“Jean-Luc, I love you too.” He matched her grin and reached for her hand.

“You should get some more sleep. Did you bring pyjamas with you?” Beverly shook her head and Jean-Luc moved past her into his bedroom and started opening drawers. “You can borrow something. Or replicate something. Whichever works...” he trailed of when he turned around and Beverly was already half naked. She stood before him with her grandmother’s quilt around her shoulders but her uniform and bra had been discarded on the floor and she was clad only in the undershirt she wore under her uniform and her knickers. Jean-Luc’s mouth went dry. “Or you could sleep like that...” Beverly laughed and shook her head.

“We can’t. I mean...it’s too soon after for us to....and I need to put in another suppressor first...but...uhm...” she flushed. “I’m babbling. Sorry.”

“It’s endearing. I love you.” Jean-Luc removed his own uniform and reached out for her hand. “Are you joining me in bed or am I sleeping on the couch?” She chuckled. 

“Joining you. Definitely.” 

###

Beverly twined her hand in his in bed with her auburn tresses spread out across his chest. 

“You didn’t tell Walker you didn’t want to marry me. Just that it wasn’t the right time. Do you? Want to marry me, I mean.” Jean-Luc shifted and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’d be lying if I said no.” 

“Oh,” Beverly paused for a minute. “Even though I’m damaged?” Jean-Luc sat up, shifting Nana’s quilt off of them and he pulled Beverly tight against his shoulder.

“What makes you think you’re damaged?” 

“I lost three babies. I don’t know if I can actually have a baby....I don’t know if I _should_.” 

“Then we won’t have babies. Plenty of couples don’t, either by choice or because they can’t.” Beverly played with his fingers and watched their hands interact while she contemplated his words. She dropped her voice to a whisper. 

“What if I want to try? What if trying and knowing we could be parents was just as fulfilling even if it ended in another miscarriage? I looked at my own test results, and there wasn’t any lasting damage. I _could_ get pregnant again. In fact, Dez even mentioned it to me, too. And there’s nothing... _nothing_ wrong with my body to indicate it was causing the miscarriages. It could have been an issue with Jack.” She glanced over at Jean-Luc with hope in her eyes. She wanted to have a child. Maybe, somehow, the three miscarriages happened because she wasn’t with the one she was destined to be with. Not that she believed any of that, but she knew her grandmother did and Felisa had always said she didn’t think Jack was the right one for her. She brushed at the tears that were forming. Jean-Luc responded by moving his hand to brush at her tears. 

“I think if you want to try to have another baby, and if it would be _safe_ for you...we can see what happens.” Beverly grinned.

“Coming from a professed child hater, that means a lot. Uhm, you do realise if we have a baby there will be a child to look after? I hope you’re not expecting me to be the only responsible parent.” Jean-Luc chuckled.

“No, my love. I never said I hated children. I just disliked the ones that I have met who disrupted my ship. But I had decided to love any child of yours simply because they were yours. And if your child is mine as well, well...all the better.” 

“I think I want to have a boy.” Beverly’s voice was firm. “This baby would have been a girl. I don’t know what the first baby would have been, but the second baby was a girl, too. I want a boy.” Jean-Luc chuckled again.

“I’m not sure you get to choose, do you?” 

“I mean, there are _ways_....” her eyes twinkled with mischief. “But no, I suppose we have what we get given... _if_ we get given anything.” Beverly began to cry again and Jean-Luc wrapped his other arm around her while she buried her head in his bare chest. “I keep thinking if I hadn’t lost Leesa, my marriage with Jack would have probably ended in divorce anyway. I mean, I should have listened to you and Walker years ago.”

“Leesa?”

“The baby. I was going to name her Leesa, for Nana. Her sister was going to be Isabel.” Jean-Luc noticed that Beverly’s tears had stopped and she seemed almost brighter talking about her daughters. He decided right then she was so much stronger than anyone had ever given her credit for. 

“Did the first baby have a name?” Beverly shook her head.

“No. Jack wanted to call it Jack Junior, but I told him it might be a girl and he said then her name would be Beverly Junior.” Beverly laughed. “If I had a girl first, I think I would have named her Murisa. I always liked that name.” 

“And if you had a boy?”

“Wesley,” Beverly was quick to reply with. “I read it in a book once and I really liked the name. If we have a boy someday, can we call him Wesley?” Jean-Luc kissed Beverly softly.

“Of course we can name our son Wesley.” Beverly returned the kiss and then rested her head on his shoulder.

“Our son. I like that.” 

###

Three years later, Beverly gave birth to her and Jean-Luc’s first child, Wesley Picard.


End file.
